Natural Hair Journey Update

It has been nearly three months since I made the commitment to not heat style my hair for an entire year. It has been an absoloutely wonderful journey. My sister has even decided to go natural.













I thought I should post some updated pictures and share some of my product staples.




















6/3/2010 - Trey's 2nd Birthday Party






Style: Natural Curl






Products: Kinky Curly Pomade






Review: I don't wear this style often because as you can see my curl pattern is really tight, and my hair shrinks a lot. I like it because of how springy it is. Before I learned out to do a really good twist-out, I used to love Kinky Curly Pomade. Since I've been twisting my hair at least once a week and wearing a twist out on a regular basis, I have fallen in love with it. One thing I did notice once I had worked all of the product through my hair was that it made my hair heavy. When I was finished working the product throughout my hair, it was heavy.







P.S. Notice my niece's oh so cute twists!

6/4/2010 - Back Shot

Style: Chunky Twists

Products: Water, Carol's Daughter Healthy Hair Creme

Review: So pretty much since I returned from Baltimore, I've been wearing my hair in small twists during the week and rocking a full twist out on Sunday (or whenever I have somewhere to go). I loved this because the protective styling has been so good for my hair, but it takes me 3 hours to complete the twists. So last Friday night, I put some really chunky twists in my hair to see what the twist out would look like. The end result: I loved it!! The twist out lasted longer than my ususal twist outs from my small twists. So, I did it agai today.

Note: I don't leave home with these twists. I usually put them in at night and sleep with them then take them out in the morning.

Here's the finished twist-out!

I have forgiven me

I've been going through the healing cycle of declaring victory in my life and walking in God's Authority - to watching my past like my life is on a movie reel, playing over and over in mind. The "if this..." scenarios pop up, and every now and then I feel entangled in what could have been...what should have been.

This song by Mary Mary ministers deeply to where I am right now, at this moment in my journey.
I've been meditating on the Word in Luke when Jesus tells the woman "Woman, thou are loosed from thine infirmity" Luke 13.

Jesus is speaking to so many of us sisters. He is speaking directly to who we are. He doesn't call this woman by her personal name, to say this healing is just for her...but He speaks directly to her being - "Woman!". Sister I have to tell you today....it is time for us to rise up. Jesus has commanded us to do so. "Woman, thou are loosed!".

Simply Redeemed

This song came on Pandora today and I had never heard it before. These words grabbed me and won't let me go. I purchased the cd and have had this song on repeat all day.

I am a Christian. Do you know what that means? It means I'm far from perfect, simply redeemed. I was bought with a purpose. Purchased by love. Not just a form of religion, it's a gift from above.

I am not perfect. I have been redeemed.

I'm just a believer. Do you know what that means? It means I've pledge my life, giving everything. I never knew that this was meant to be. I'm not perfect. I have been redeemed.

While I was yet in my transgressions, someone paid the price for me.I offered up my life to Him, and now I see again. I am not perfect. I have been redeemed.

I am your brother (sister). Let me show you the way. We'll walk this road together, we'll take it day by day. Somehow I know we'll make this journey's end.

We are now redeemed. While we were yet in our transgressions. God paid the price for you and me. So why not give our lives to Him? Accept His love and be clean.

Walk together. You can take my hand. For we are now redeemed.

Power to Pray

Last week, in observance of the National Day of Prayer, I attended the noon day prayer service at my church. On my drive to the church I felt something funny in my spirit. When I walked through the doors of the church something hit me...and hit me hard. I was overcome by the Spirit, and the power that prayer has.

I consider it a true privilege and honor to be able to pray in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I consider an even greater honor to know that when I pray, even when my prayers are reduced to mumblings and groanings, the Holy Spirit is interceding for me.

At that service, I was humbled when my Pastor looked at me and asked me to pray for single parents. I've struggled with identifying with this label, but it is true, I am single parent. As I approached God in prayer, I realized the power of the words I was placing in God's ear. Out of all the protections and blessings I prayed that day, there is one thing that I pray over and over again in my spirit, and that is for unsaved parents to be saved. For our children's sake.

My son is covered. I've dedicated his life back to God and I know that things that have plagued his father's family for generations are now broken, in Jesus' name. I pray that my son's unsaved parent experiences the freedom that comes in knowing Christ, in living for Christ and following his commands.

Love...is not rude.

((Deep breath)) I haven't written in my love is series in awhile. No particular reason, I just haven't made it a priority. It's funny how things happen. Life has been so grand. I mean ever since we returned from Baltimore in early April, things have just been flowing. I'm grateful.

When I opened the Word and realized tonight would be "love...is not rude", I laughed at myself. No wonder it hadn't been on my heart to write in this series lately. But tonight....oh tonight is a night to write about love not being rude.

So I've been pretty open about the issues in my personal life. I honestly feel it is apart of my ministry to be transparent - some disagree. Anyways. So tonight was a true test in love not being rude. First, it is Mother's day. All day long I have just been sending gratitude for the amazing gift of my son. I've probably given him a million kisses today. It's about 8pm, and for the first time all day I let the weight of this being my first Mother's day as a single parent hit me. My emotions were flying high and that opened the floodgates for the enemy to come in.

One event led to another, and for the first time in weeks I just wanted to pick up the phone and tell someone how I feel about them. Not what God says about them, but what at that moment, my hurt self wanted to say. I picked up the phone, was ready to go, all engines fired, and then I stopped. The force that stopped me wasn't saying that I love that person too much to call and say the words I wanted to say and try to hurt them. At that moment the force that stopped me said I love me more than that. It told me that I'm better than that. And it also reminded me that I MUST be the parent that expresses greater love through it all - I must be love.

So I'm typing this with tears rolling down my face because had I stuck to my original plan of writing in this series every night, weeks ago I wouldn't have really known what it means for love to not be rude. But tonight I do. I know that love won't allow you to be rude. The most profound part about it is it has nothing to do with the other person. Love will open you up and show you yourself. Rudeness is a way to hurt others. As we all know...hurting people hurt others. Let love show you what's in you that is hurting so you won't feel the need to hurt others. After all, love is not rude.

Love...is not proud.

Leo Tolstoy said, "If you want to be happy, be". I believe the same is true for love. If you want to be love, be.

So often we think about love for others. We think about the feeling when we are in love. We seldom take the time to imagine how the world would be if we are love.

If we are to become love we have to lose our self in love. There is no space for pride.

The next time you feel triggered, attacked or things aren't going your way, pause for a moment and be love.

I believe when you do, God's entire Universe will conspire to work the situation for your good.

God is love. You are love. We are love.

Love...does not boast.

To boast is to have a source of pride. To pat oneself on the back. To gloat. To blow one's own horn.

There is a lesson in Marianne Williamson's "A Course in Miracles" that says when someone attacks you and you feel triggered, that is the moment to be still or "in my defenselessness, my safety lies".

Over the past few months, there have been numerous things to happen that I had to practice this defenselessness approach. Instead of reacting, I would be still, and let the Universe do what It needed to do.

Then recently, I found myself bringing up the very things I had chosen not to get defensive about in the first place. This time around I was bringing them up not in a confrontational manner, but I would say things that I knew as to say "aha...betcha didn't know I knew that".

I found myself boasting.

This was not intentional. Reflecting on the situation I can remember feeling like I was strong for not blowing up at the time. Now that I think about it, bringing it up later and feeling like I had accomplished something by not blowing up about it is just as bad.

So, I am still practicing the kind of love that does not boast. Once again, it requires us to return to humility. Even when I didn't think what I was doing was being proud, when I look back on it, I was. That's that.

I'm learning this love thing takes a constant renewal of your mind, your spirit and your intentions.

Love does not blow its own horn.

Love...doesn't want what it doesn't have.

As a believer, I have stood and confessed many times that what God has for me, is only for me. I've been so positive that everything in my life is working out the way it should. I've put on the outward appearance so many times that my life is exactly where it is supposed to be. It is.

At the same time, I haven't perfected the characteristic of this kind of love. Especially when something or someone you love is being shared, it is extremely difficult, I would say near impossible if it wasn't written in the Bible that love does not do this.

Envy. The word itself does not sound good. It causes us to turn our eyes and our focus away from what God has blessed us with and causes us to feel inadequate, insufficient and unloved.

That is why love does not envy. Love desires what it has - what it is. In essence, love is enough.

Love is...kind

Love is kind.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love is...

Kind.

I'm sitting down to write this after coming off of a 3 hour meltdown with my son (we are experiencing an early onset of the terrible twos). So, I have been practicing patient love for the past 3 hours.

Kind.

Love is....

Admittedly, I can deal with the many translations that say "love is kind". When I look at the translation in The Message Bible, it makes this characteristic of love a bit more difficult to digest.

"Love cares more for others than for self".

How does that translate to being kind? In our many different human relationships, it is easy to believe we are kind, but when we look at it from the context of caring more for others than for self, it's not so easy anymore. How do you care more for someone than for yourself when that other person has misused you? How do you continue to practice a kind love when the person just doesn't seem deserving?

Ask Jesus. He did it and continues to do it today. It's called loving from a distance. Humility is difficult to have. Especially when it means that you must love someone in spite of all they have done.

I can relate today's characteristic to many relationships in my life. It is so easy when disagreements occur to see fault in the other person. Today's love that we are talking about seeks to see the best in the other person, and causes us to self examine more.

Together, love endures long and is patient and kind. Practice caring more for others today. Practice being patient today. Endure.

Love is...

Love is...patient

Freedictionary.com gives the following definition:

pa·tient (pshnt)adj.

1. Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness.

2. Marked by or exhibiting calm endurance of pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance.

3. Tolerant; understanding: an unfailingly patient leader and guide.

4. Persevering; constant: With patient industry, she revived the failing business and made it thrive.

5. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.

6. Capable of bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance

To me, none of these definitions sound fun. Really, they don't sound desirable at all. The first characteristic of love in this song is patience, making one thing clear: Patience = Endurance. The race of love is not easy. We are commanded to love those who have done us wrong, to love our enemies, and to first, above all else, be patient.

The word patience is found 33 times in the King James Version of the Bible. Obviously, God wants us to learn something about being patient. Being patient is hard, so does that make loving hard?

The Message Bible puts the phrase "love is patient" a different way. It says:

"Love never gives up"

So how do we endure, how do we practice patience, how do we not give up when everything around us says we should? We must turn it over to God. To Him who has all power in His Hands and who practices patient love for us every single day.

I'll be the first to admit that there are people I love dearly in my life that I sincerely don't want to be patient with. I want them to change right at this moment. I have often tried to love them so hard to try to change them. I always come back to the same conclusion; only by practicing patient love for them, and allowing God to work the miracle, can real change in a person's life happen.

So take this first characteristic seriously. Can you love someone even when you don't like who they are at the moment? Can you love someone when everything they've done to you should have broken you? Patient love does. Patient love says even though I don't like the things you've done and the things you are doing, I love you still.

Be patient.

Love is...

After venting last week about how much I feel my love is returning void, I decided it would help my spirit to talk about what love is. So, I'm introducing a new blog series entitled - Love is... In this series, I'll take a look at the 15 characteristics of love laid out in 1 Corinthians 13. I don't know where this series is going to lead me, or what it will reveal, but I am excited for the journey.

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

Daily Meditation - Keep God First

This is today's meditation from thedailybibleverse.org. It felt really good to my soul so I had to share here.

Exodus 20:1-3 – You shall have no other gods before Me

And God spoke all these words: I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. – Exodus 20:1-3 (NIV)

The first of the 10 Commandments is “I am the LORD your God…you shall have no other gods before me.” If we truly believe and live out this first commandment, it will keep us from breaking any of the remaining nine! This is because if we keep God first in our life, above everything else, he himself will actually make us righteous before him. He is the LORD-I AM that I AM. He is the ultimate reality of life, love and power. When we believe this and submit our lives to him, we’ll not be led astray by other “gods” of this world or the “gods” of our flesh that would seek to destroy us. God desires to bring us out of a land of slavery to sin and self, and under his loving rule in all areas of our lives. Living out this first command truly will fulfill all the rest!

Note: In the days that follow, we will look more closely at each of the 10 Commandments and how obedience to the 1st Commandment is the fulfillment of all the rest.

Today’s Commentary by:
Caesar Kalinowski, Pastor, Soma Communities

Why did I get married?

Last night, I went to see Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too.
I'm a fan of TP movies, so I'll be adding this to the list. Throughout the movie one message prevailed: marriages go through trouble, but with enough love and commitment, you can make it through.

Turn the page. I went to see this movie with my husband, who I've been separated from for the past 7 months. My husband who has one foot out the door and the other halfway in divorce court. So I'm watching this movie thinking "is there any reality here?"

I HATE divorce. I HATE what it is doing to our marriage. I HATE what it is doing to our family. I HATE IT. It's also caused me to wonder why. Why does my marriage have to be the one that seems beyond repair? Why does God allow me to go through this and endure so much pain? Why did I get married?

Love. In the movie there's a line: "love will not return to you void". Well it sure feels like it. I love my husband. In his greatness, in his weakness, through all his shit, I love him. But I'm not stupid. My love has been returning void. I don't care what you say. So after the movie I allowed myself to shed a tear publicly because I am tired.

I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired. I'm tired of having examples of healthy marriages all around me and yet mine is crumbling right before my eyes. I'm tired.

And worst of all, I have no answers.

Do miracles still exist?

Even that was nailed to the Cross

I've been experiencing a lot of deep emotions lately. Everything going on in our society right now seems to have an affect on me. I am more aware of the political division in our country now more than ever, and the tension that it has caused has an affect on me. One thing that particularly gets to me, is that our division over political issues has turned into a division over religious issues. By some, the Gates of Heaven will surely be closed to me because I don't want the government telling a woman what to do with her body, I don't particularly care for the government to tell people who should marry and I really don't want the government going to countries and killing innocent people in the name of a "war on terrorism".

I've always thought that we could better support our communities by getting to the root of any social issue versus radically opposing it. Wouldn't it make more sense to spend our time working with teen girls, spending time with women from different walks of life, in order to be the salt of the world, versus standing in front of Planned Parenthood with signs calling women baby killers? At that point, I think it is too late.

Whether you agree with my political views or not, and whether you think because of my political views I'm not the "real kind" of Christian you think I should be, there is one thing I know for sure on this Good Friday. When Jesus hung on that cross, He took:

• abortion there with Him too. So instead of condemning those who are pro-choice, I choose to see it from Jesus' eyes - forgiven.
• same-sex marriage. So instead of condemning those who believe in same-sex marriage, I choose to see it from Jesus' eyes - forgiven.

And any other political issues that we as a Christian society want to condemn as being sinful - Jesus took it all to the Cross with Him. So instead of judging others for what you consider the most damning sins - remember a sin is a sin, and Jesus already said - FORGIVEN.

The Judas Kiss

I actually wrote this piece in 2007, but I was just thinking about it today and had to share it again. God allows us to go through seasons in our life in order for His will to be done. We don't like it, it's not comfortable, but it is absolutely necessary for His purpose in our lives to be fulfilled. When I get so caught up in my circumstances and lose sight of what God has already promised, I'm reminded that if Jesus had to endure being betrayed and that was God's only Son, then of course I'm going to have to endure some things - even betrayal by those I love dearly. Because of this understanding, I can now say I can rejoice in and through my trials, because I know I'm advancing towards His purpose. Amen.

Matthew 26:48 -54

Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: "The one I kiss is the man; arrest him." Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" and kissed him.

Jesus replied, "Friend, do what you came for."

Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. With that, one of Jesus' companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.

"Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?"

Let's think about it. Peter tried to save Jesus. He was actually trying to stop Jesus from His Divine purpose. Everyone else could have been replaced, but Judas' kiss of betrayal was necessary to fulfill God's purpose. Jesus would have never filled the mandate and purpose of God if Judas hadn't kissed him. After we are betrayed by the kiss of Judas, there is going to be a crucifixion, then there will be a burial, but after the burial is a RESURRECTION!!!

What people don't realize is that our brother's betrayal is advancing us. Phew..this has me right now.

I don't know what you are going through right now. I don't know who in your life has kissed you with the kiss of betrayal. Instead of fighting him, fighting for him, whatever the case may be, just be like Jesus and say "Friend, do what you came for"! Realize that God placed that person in your life for a reason. The hurt, the pain, the struggle, the fight, the tears....it's advancing you to your purpose. They didn't realize the greatness they were releasing in you, but the next time you see your Judas...say thank you, you advanced me to my purpose!!!!

Praise Him!

I love quotes...yes I do.

Natural hair is a glorious movement, rapidly spreading like a sunrise. Now that it's daylight there is no excuse not to be apart of it. Naturally Obsessed blog via Camille Reed via Twitter

Daily Medidation - Being Still

Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Lord Jesus, I take this moment to stop my running and my personal efforts to win freedom. I am standing perfectly still physically and spiritually so that I can see the salvation You have already provided. If anything happens, it will happen by Your Spirit, not through my might or power.

Daily Meditation: Relax

"If you relax, it comes. Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, God shows you the way".

My First Weave!

Here are some pics of my first full weave. I'm having so much fun with it.

Daily Meditation: Seeking the Lord

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. - Psalm 34:10 (NIV)

This is the perfect meditation for me today. Sometimes I realize I get so caught up in praying: "Please God do this, please God do that", instead of making my requests known to Him, trusting His promise, and spending the rest of my time seeking and praising Him.

Have you ever felt like your prayer is a wish upon a star? When I get in this mode of praying where I'm asking Lord, Lord please, I need to remind myself that as long as I'm seeking His face - I will lack no good thing.

From my heart to Your ear Lord, I'll seek You first.

Here I Am

These are some powerful words from Marvin Sapp's new album. I feel like he read my soul writing this song.

Here I am.

I’m still standing.

Here I am.

After all I’ve been through.

I survived every toil - every snare.

I’m alive. I’m alive.

Here I am.

There were times when I almost gave up.

And I’ve cried and said “Lord, it’s too much”.

El Shaddai – He was there all the time.

By His grace – He is keeping me alive.

By His grace and mercy – I’m still standing. Standing.

I’m standing in the presence of the Almighty with power and a testimony.

I’m standing here today with one thing to say, “Lord, I thank You”.

Here I am.

After all I’ve been through.

I survived.

I’m alive.

Here I am.

All the pain I had to go through – it gave power and a testimony.

I'm alive. I'm alive.

HERE I AM.

A Return to Self: The history of my natural hair journey

My natural hair journey actually began in 2006 when my stylist in Delaware, Ebon, encouraged me to stop relaxing my hair. He promised he would take really good care of my hair without relaxing it - so I haven't had a relaxer since September 2006.

With a stylist like Ebon, I used to get my hair done every two weeks and you couldn't even tell I wasn't relaxing it. I would drive from Baltimore to Delaware every other weekend, on a pretty regular basis to get my hair done.

Here are some pictures from that time:



In Spring 2008 when I was six months pregnant, I decided the drive every other weekend was getting to be a bit much. So, I started asking about stylists in Baltimore who knew how to handle natural hair. I didn't want to sit in somebody's chair every other week and hear that I should relax my hair. A co-worker actually introduced me to her stylist, who not only knew how to style natural hair, but had a gorgeous head of natural hair herself. So, in March 2008 I started going to Kim in Owings Mills.

Here are a few photos from that time:


After having Trey, I started wanting to wear my hair curly more often. With a new born baby, it became increasingly difficult to find time to get to the salon, and when I straightened it I just felt like I was going to end up bald headed. So, I started searching for products and ways to style my hair.

Here are some photos from that time:


I had a lot of fun during this time. Whenever I look at these photos I always see a bit of radiance in myself that I don't always see when I'm straightening my hair. I guess I'm most comfortable being in my own skin.

This past summer, I visited Kim and she said my hair was breaking a lot in the back. I'm not sure what that was attributed to, but it most likely was because my hair was lacking the needed moisture. So, I had her trim my hair and started straightening it again. I bought a Red flat-iron, some Chi silk infusion and felt like I could live like this forever.

Here are some pictures from this time:



Pretty good, huh? The reality is, I'm not a hairstylist, so while I may be able to curl it to look good, I wasn't taking good care of it in order to have healthy hair. My dream is to have a head of thick, healthy, natural hair. Every now and then, I get tired of feeding into the stereotype that in order to have pretty hair you have to have long, straight hair. When I feel like that I'll wash my hair and pull it back:



But last week I decided my hair deserves more. So, I visited Kamaria Creations near Old Town, and got two-strand twists professionally done. I love them! I'm setting out to go a year without heat-styling my hair. Protective style for me it is.

Here's a few pictures of the twists:



One week later and my hair has grown like a weed. As a friend on Twitter commented: "happy hair will do that!". Indeed it will. So, I'm so excited, because tomorrow I'm going for my first ever FULL weave. I was concerned because I know nothing about buying hair, and I wasn't sure the hair I ended up getting was going to look good. Then I found this YouTube video discussing the exact hair I bought, and it eased my worries. The only other time I've had a weave was for my wedding, and even then it was just a partial weave to make a full bun.

So, I'll let you know about the weave experience tomorrow!

Until then, I'm enjoying rocking the twist-out:

I'm so glad

I'm so glad that weaping may endure for a night, but *JOY*, sweet joy, unspeakable joy, comes in the morning.

I'm so glad that I have the most amazing little munchkin in my life. He wakes me up this morning by raising my shirt and laying his head on my belly then saying "mommy...mommy...mommy" in his sing-song way.

All the troubles of yesterday are gone, and today I'm shining brighter than ever. I'm so glad.

Starting Another Blog

So I'm starting another blog. Yes, another blog. Lately I've had trouble writing on my Of Service blog, and I've somehow experienced writers block in writing for Examiner.com, which I get paid to do. Tonight, I need a place to release some of what I was feeling, and my hard copy journal wasn't working. I needed to hear back from people - or to feel like someone else just may read it, so I decided to start this blog - so I could do just that.

Today, as all of my days have been for the last few months, was power packed. I was on task and busy with work, took care of a few things for the Scentsy business and made my next hair appointment to get my first ever full weave. (Which is all apart of my journey to not straighten - flat iron- my hair for a year). I'll be the first to admit that I don't know a thing about buying fake hair. The only other time I've had a weave was for my wedding, and my stylist had to call the hair store and tell them what he wanted me to get. So, I went to one of the few hair stores in Albuquerque with a picture in tow of the brand, type and color I wanted. The owner's automatic response was that he didn't have that hair. Instead, he ended up selling me a much more expensive hair - and $233 later - all I can think was dag...I was bamboozled.

On top of that, we woke up Sunday and my munchkin's eye was closed shut. I was so worried he had pink eye. After packing him up and heading to After Hour Pediatrics (which is a fantastic place) and finding out they didn't open until 2, we went back home, munchkin napped, and we headed back to the doctor's office at 2 only to find out we needed an appointment. So at 4:50 we returned to the office and the service was great. Thankfully, pink eye wasn't the issue, but munchkin did have an ear infection. So, of course, I called his father to tell him what was going on.

I had a many break-down tonight because I couldn't believe his father hadn't called to check on him. This all plays into my fears that fatherhood for him is becoming out of sight and out of mind. I've also been worrying and praying lately (yes I know the two don't go together) because I feel in my heart that munchkin is starting to notice other kids have mommies and daddies around....and that well hurts my heart.

So, these are the things I needed to write about tonight. There's much more in my actual "private" journal, but sometimes you just need to release in a very public manner.

I'm resting on Marvin Sapp's new song: He Has His Hands On You